Love Languages are a new concept contemplated by Gary Chapman which may explain why we feel unwanted although our partner tries to shower us with love. Showing someone love in a way that isn't comparable with his or her love language(s) may cause him or her to feel alone, isolated and desperate to fulfill a basic void that all humans strive to fulfill: love,acceptance and security even though our loved one feels he or she is bestowing that need.
As found on the FAQs on the love languages book official site, first find out what your love language is after accomplishing that, find out what your partner's love language is. You will soon notice how well it describes how they display their love towards you. You will discover ways your partner was showing you love in ways you may not have noticed were displays of affection. If a person is not receiving love based on their love language from his or her partner than he or she may not obtaining their basic need of love and security in a relationship. Although you may feel you are providing them with love and security by loving them in your own way, it may not be registering with them as you showing them love.
Contributes to mental illness?
Perhaps showing your loved one affection in a different love language than they are used to speaking assists to not feeling loved and appreciated. Feeling unappreciated and unloved reinforces feelings of worthlessness, needing more affection and love than we can give them. Consequently, when our partner feels unfulfilled they demand more love for they are receiving it but not absorbing since we are showing them love in wrong way (for them indivially). Not showing them love in a way that suits a partner's needs leads to us feeling they are "clingy," "sensitive," ___. Showing our partner love in the way we understand, but they don't comprehend possibly leads to what is describe as "burn out." Numerous people describe this as the reason they leave their partner because they experienced exhaustion from trying to love them (another reason is trying to fix them-which is abusive and I will write a post about that). However, maybe needing vast amounts of attention is not from depression or anxiety but our partners never feeling satisfied due to their needs not being met since we are sadly, showing them love in a different (love) language.
Alternative pov
Recognize how your partner is trying to show love using their own love language. If a person's love language is quality time the best thing to do to show love is to spend time with them. While this is important, lets also not shame people for how they show love. Learn the love languages and recognize when your partner is showing you love, it may not be how you would prefer but that doesn't mean him or her isn't trying. I personally believe it is important to meet in the middle, no one is perfect and although it is not the intent of the author, this is not something to shame others for if they are not perfect at doing it. This is simply a guide, an advice book to help others, not shame them for not incorporating their love languages flawlessly. Don't beat yourself , or your partner up emotionally for not practicing your love languages meticulously.
Contributes to mental illness?
Perhaps showing your loved one affection in a different love language than they are used to speaking assists to not feeling loved and appreciated. Feeling unappreciated and unloved reinforces feelings of worthlessness, needing more affection and love than we can give them. Consequently, when our partner feels unfulfilled they demand more love for they are receiving it but not absorbing since we are showing them love in wrong way (for them indivially). Not showing them love in a way that suits a partner's needs leads to us feeling they are "clingy," "sensitive," ___. Showing our partner love in the way we understand, but they don't comprehend possibly leads to what is describe as "burn out." Numerous people describe this as the reason they leave their partner because they experienced exhaustion from trying to love them (another reason is trying to fix them-which is abusive and I will write a post about that). However, maybe needing vast amounts of attention is not from depression or anxiety but our partners never feeling satisfied due to their needs not being met since we are sadly, showing them love in a different (love) language.
Alternative pov
Recognize how your partner is trying to show love using their own love language. If a person's love language is quality time the best thing to do to show love is to spend time with them. While this is important, lets also not shame people for how they show love. Learn the love languages and recognize when your partner is showing you love, it may not be how you would prefer but that doesn't mean him or her isn't trying. I personally believe it is important to meet in the middle, no one is perfect and although it is not the intent of the author, this is not something to shame others for if they are not perfect at doing it. This is simply a guide, an advice book to help others, not shame them for not incorporating their love languages flawlessly. Don't beat yourself , or your partner up emotionally for not practicing your love languages meticulously.
References
Moody, L. D. (n.d.). Discover Your Love Language. Retrieved February 15, 2017, from http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Moody, L. D. (n.d.). Discover Your Love Language. Retrieved February 15, 2017, from http://www.5lovelanguages.com/