I used to, and still catch myself from time to time, feeling awful if I see someone is sad or in emotional pain. I want to help them feel better emotionally. That changed when I discovered an argument that changed my mindset about how I look at sadness and someone else who is upset or sad.
These ideas helped me realize that when I see someone who is upset, I want to fix them, but I soon realized that wanting to fix them is a need I am providing myself, not them.
These ideas helped me realize that when I see someone who is upset, I want to fix them, but I soon realized that wanting to fix them is a need I am providing myself, not them.
Happiness and sadness and anger are all emotions. All humans, all mammals feel them, I see now that seeing another person sad hurts me, however, we must not view sadness as any worse or better than happiness as they are both essential emotions. Sadness is apart of life, and we will be happy sometimes, and we will be sad sometimes too and that is okay.
Also, trying to fix someone who needs to take time to be sad can be flustering to them if they cant just cheer up and be happy. It can worsen their depression as now they not only feel sadness, but guilt because you can't help them feel better.
Wanting to fix someone, is also a form of bigotry, in fact. We subconsciously don't want to be around the sick, or the mentally ill so we need them to be more like "us" We must become more secure around sadness and emotional pain as we are around physically disabled persons. We want to "fix" them because they make us uncomfortable ,therefore we want to see them happy, not sad.
We must appreciate sadness, we must observe sadness and pain as apart of human emotions and life instead of trying to fix someone who we think needs our help.
I am 4'11. I am very short and the one thing I get, which I am sure many short people get is other people always trying to help me. Unless I ask for help, I do not like it because I am perfectly fine of handling things on my own. We need to learn from this for people who are not neurotypical. When a person tries to help someone who is depressed,etc. what we are essentially saying is thaat a neurotypical brain is better, therefore your brain should be like mine! This is a form of ableism. A happy brain is not any better than a sad brain. Just as all bodies are good bodies, all brains are good brains!
Also, thinking that we must fix someone, or feeling sorry for them dictates that we subconsciously think that person does not know what is best for themselves. When I am sad, I know what works for me,I don't want pity from others, what I want it your hand to hold, or your company to pig out and watch horror films and comedies all night. I don't need your advice, or sympathy case. I don't need to feel happy, I don't want to feel happy, I want to embrace my sadness with a friend, or a lover and just "be". I am not a china doll, I do not need to be fixed, nor am I a charity case.I need empathy, and to know my loved ones will be there and understand, not to try to fix me to their standards of what my emotions should or shouldn't be.
Also, trying to fix someone who needs to take time to be sad can be flustering to them if they cant just cheer up and be happy. It can worsen their depression as now they not only feel sadness, but guilt because you can't help them feel better.
Wanting to fix someone, is also a form of bigotry, in fact. We subconsciously don't want to be around the sick, or the mentally ill so we need them to be more like "us" We must become more secure around sadness and emotional pain as we are around physically disabled persons. We want to "fix" them because they make us uncomfortable ,therefore we want to see them happy, not sad.
We must appreciate sadness, we must observe sadness and pain as apart of human emotions and life instead of trying to fix someone who we think needs our help.
I am 4'11. I am very short and the one thing I get, which I am sure many short people get is other people always trying to help me. Unless I ask for help, I do not like it because I am perfectly fine of handling things on my own. We need to learn from this for people who are not neurotypical. When a person tries to help someone who is depressed,etc. what we are essentially saying is thaat a neurotypical brain is better, therefore your brain should be like mine! This is a form of ableism. A happy brain is not any better than a sad brain. Just as all bodies are good bodies, all brains are good brains!
Also, thinking that we must fix someone, or feeling sorry for them dictates that we subconsciously think that person does not know what is best for themselves. When I am sad, I know what works for me,I don't want pity from others, what I want it your hand to hold, or your company to pig out and watch horror films and comedies all night. I don't need your advice, or sympathy case. I don't need to feel happy, I don't want to feel happy, I want to embrace my sadness with a friend, or a lover and just "be". I am not a china doll, I do not need to be fixed, nor am I a charity case.I need empathy, and to know my loved ones will be there and understand, not to try to fix me to their standards of what my emotions should or shouldn't be.